Sully's Anguish
by mikeandsully4ever
Summary: A letter written years ago has a devastating effect on Sully. Set after season 6 but before the movies.
1. Chapter 1

**.**

 **SULLY'S ANGUISH**

By Judy G

 **August 2015**

 **Chapter 1: The Discovery**

The morning sun was beaming through the bedroom window, the rays sweetly kissing Sully as he slept.

It had been a long, arduous week trying to convince the Hard Rock Mining Company to move their location further down the river. Sully would have preferred the company went out of business **,** but since that wasn't going to happen **,** he could at least prevent them from contaminating the Colorado Springs water supply. Working for the Park Bureau Service and trying to keep businesses from scorching the land took a lot out of him. It didn't take him away from his family too much **,** but when it did he couldn't wait to get home. However, this time he was so tired (and yes grumpy) when he arrived home, it wasn't long after dinner time when he went straight to bed with barely a kiss for his wife and children. He had been hoping to sleep late this morning and so far his sweet, considerate wife had obliged him.

A rap on the bedroom door, however, soon interrupted his sleep. Opening one eye **,** he hoped the intruder would go away. But no, another rap. Then a giggle. His other eye opened and he managed a smile. Tired or not, that was his beloved daughter on the other side.

"Come in precious girl **,** " he called cheerily, pulling to a sitting position.

The door flew open and golden-haired, three-year-old Katie ran in, jumping on the bed and into her father's arms. "Good morning sleepy head! Mama finished breakfast hours ago!"

Sully chuckled at his daughter's propensity to exaggerate. "She did **,** huh? Did she save me any?"

Katie nodded her head enthusiastically. "Yep **,** on the burner waiting for ya."

Sully tenderly kissed the top of his daughter's head before asking, "And where is Mama?"

"Oh she's out in the barn looking for something in that old chest of hers."

Sully was curious what Michaela could be looking for first thing in the morning, but chose to lay that question aside. Fully dressed since he had been too tired to even change into night clothes, he climbed out of the bed and with his daughter in his arms headed downstairs.

Michaela still hadn't returned from the barn when Sully finished his breakfast, so he headed over to find her. When he opened the barn door he smiled at the sweet sight of his beautiful wife sitting in the hay, leaning against the old chest, still in her night clothes…and sound asleep. He walked slowly over to her, knelt down beside her and kissed her gently on the cheek. How could he have been too grumpy to pay his angel of a wife more attention last night? Sully's touch on her cheek was enough to wake his sleeping beauty and she smiled that cute little crooked smile at him. "Sully you're awake!"

Sully chuckled "But you are not."

"I am so! I was just...resting my eyes."

Sully smiled and nodded his head teasingly. "Ok just resting your eyes, what are you doing out here?" Sully lifted his eyebrows in his best seductive manner and asked, "Are you waiting for a roll in the hay?"

Michaela laughed and swatted Sully's arm. "Oh, you're incorrigible. Where are the children?"

Sully lowered himself completely onto the hay and took his wife in his arms. "Brian took Katie into town. Said they were going to meet Loren and go fishing."

Michaela sighed in contentment. "Loren is really taking his job as surrogate grandfather to heart. Katie loves him so, and of course Brian always thought of him as a grandfather."

Sully nodded in agreement, but then smiled sweetly. "So it's just us…and the hay."

Michaela smiled and considered his offer for a moment, but then sighed in regret. "Oh Sully, I've got to search through this chest for some fabric my mother sent a few years ago. Katie wants a new dress for her doll and I think it would make the perfect outfit. You know, a matching outfit for both Katie and her doll."

Sully understood the sentiment, but not the haste. "Ok, but why does that have to be done now? This old trunk ain't going anywhere."

"You don't understand, Sully. Katie has been begging me for days and I keep putting it off. I promised her I would at least start on it today."

Sully sighed heavily, knowing he wasn't going to win. "Ok. I'll get started on the chores." Disappointment evident in his tone, he stood and walked out of the barn.

OOO

An hour later Sully found Michaela still sorting through the chest. He was now getting a bit annoyed. "Come on! You can't have that much in that chest!"

Michaela jumped at the harsh tone in her husband's voice. "I'm sorry, I guess I just got caught up in the memories."

Softening a bit, Sully walked over to see what treasure she had uncovered. In her hand was a hair bow pin delicately trimmed with acorn drops and the 'knot' engraved in gold with the name "Mike'. "What memory is that?"

Michaela slowly lifted her eyes from the clip to Sully and replied, "It was the last gift my father gave me before he passed. She laughed at the memory. "He wanted me to know that even though he called me Mike, I was a princess to him."

Understanding swept through Sully's heart and he took her hand in his, taking the clip from her. "It's real nice. Why don't you wear it?"

"When I first arrived in Colorado Springs it was too soon, the memory made me sad. Then I'm ashamed to say I forgot about it." Michaela then took the clip from Sully and placed it back in the trunk. Next she saw the one and only photograph of David. She lifted it out of its resting place and looked at Sully warily. "You don't mind do you? David was an important part of my life but he is no longer. If you want me to get rid of it I will."

Sully looked at the photo, then at his wife. All he saw was concern for him in those gorgeous mix-matched eyes. He slowly smiled and shook his head. "No you keep it."

Smiling in gratitude for such a kind, understanding husband, she placed the photo back in the trunk and sighed heavily. "I really am getting tired of searching. There's not much in here, but I keep reliving what everything stands for."

Sully stood, took Michaela's hands and lifted her to her feet. "I tell you what. I'm sure I can tell what fabric looks like. You go inside and rest and I'll continue the treasure hunt."

"Really Sully? You don't mind?"

Sully kissed his wife's hands then gently kissed her lips. "I don't mind."

Michaela was quite worn out so with a grateful smile and equally sweet kiss to Sully's lips she headed out of the barn.

Sully looked down at the trunk and sighed heavily. There was very little he wouldn't do for his wife but wondered if he knew what he was getting himself into. Kneeling down, he reached into the trunk and picked up a child's drawing. He smiled at the memory. Brian had drawn a picture of what he had hoped to be his future family. Of course, the three Cooper children were evident, as were Sully and Michaela. Brian had also included two smaller children. "Well, Brian", Sully laughed, "We just have one more child to go to fulfill your dream."

He set the drawing gently back into the trunk and reached for the next treasure. Uncovering a leather- bound book, he grinned and picked it up. "So you liked to read romance stories?" As he began skimming through the pages, he grinned widely. "My sweet angelic wife. I love the romantic side of you. Why have you hid this away?"

Sully started to place the book back, but it slipped from his hands, landing in the hay. Some pages fell out of the book and Sully, curiosity winning out, picked them up. One of the pages was folded and he gently peeled it open. Lifting it up, he started to read.

The first line on the page sent chills through his entire body. The smile left his face to be replaced by shock and confusion. He quickly picked up another page and looked at the bottom. He suddenly felt like the earth was moving under him and he sank down deeper into the hay. "I don't understand," he muttered disbelievingly to himself. "Why does she have this? Why did she keep it?"

No longer did he feel the sun that was shining through the barn door. His world had become cloudy and cold. He picked up the first sheet of paper and stared again at the words that troubled him deep to his soul. For this was not notes on the story his beloved wife had jotted down, as he first suspected. It was a letter - a letter with a salutation that glared back at him bright and powerful. Those small letters looked big as life and had just turned Sully's life upside down.

"My Darling Michaela…"


	2. Chapter 2-Michaela's Plan

Chapter 2: Michaela's Plan

Once Michaela settled comfortably onto the beautiful bed her husband had crafted, she realized she wasn't all that tired. Her thoughts drifted to Sully out there in the barn being so gracious to her.

"What was I thinking? There aren't too many chances to be alone with my husband and I wanted to sort through an old chest?" Michaela laughed at her own silliness. She longed to run her fingers through Sully's long tresses, to kiss his tanned chest, to feel that chest against her own. She suddenly had an idea and bolted out of bed and over to the armoire.

Michaela pulled out the lacy silk negligee her mother had given her at her bridal shower and held it up to her, appraising herself in the mirror. She grinned, remembering Sully's reaction the first time she wore it on their honeymoon. "You know, Mother, this was a very impractical gift, but today I am feeling decidedly impractical."

Certain that her virile husband would love this little surprise; she slipped out of her current nightwear and into the sexy gown. Grinning with pleasure, she settled herself provocatively on the bed awaiting Sully's return.

Moments later, Michaela heard the front door open and smiled in anticipation. She didn't think about the short amount of time that had passed or wonder if Sully had found the fabric so quickly. The only thing on her mind was making up for the week her husband was gone.

Surely he would come upstairs looking for her and what a surprise he would receive.

"Oh Sully you have no idea what I have planned for you," she giggled joyfully and hugged her arms to her chest in anticipation.

OOO

Sully's legs barely carried him into the homestead. His entire body felt frozen. With each step closer to the beautiful home he had built for his wife, more troubling visions circled within his brain. _How many of those letters did she receive? Did her face light up with each one? Are there more hidden throughout the property?_ The fatigue and the stress of the past week were ever present and his mind couldn't quite grasp what he had just found and read. By the time he reached the house, all he could do was flop down on a wing back chair and stare into the unlit fireplace.

The wing back chairs. Rather a luxury in this part of the country. Most of the furniture he made with his own hands. The chairs were the only luxury items in the modest home. More thoughts tortured his heart...Did Michaela treasure them more than the ones he had made with his own hands out of love for her? Is that why she kept the letter? He shook his head vigorously. No, Michaela was not like that. So why?

OOO

Upstairs his wife, oblivious to his inner turmoil, was getting worried. Why didn't he come upstairs? He hadn't even called for her. _Surely it was Sully in the home? Someone else hadn't come in unknown to Sully in the barn had they?_ Well, she could hardly go downstairs in her current attire if it was someone else! _No, it has to be Sully. The children would have made their presence known. A patient, or even a friend, would have knocked. Wolf would have alerted the family to an intruder. But why hasn't he come looking for her?_ "Oh well," She sighed, "I suppose I'll just have to take my surprise downstairs."

OOOO

Sully heard her footsteps on the stairs but didn't react. He wasn't ready to face her yet. He had hoped she would sleep until he was able to get all of his jumbled thoughts into something more coherent. Even when she came up behind him and gently placed her hands on his shoulders, he continued to stare into a non-existent fire. But when she leaned down and placed a feather like kiss on his neck, it was his undoing. He jumped up and turned to glare at his wife.

His jaw dropped and his breath caught. What a vision was standing in front of him! And she was smiling that seductive crooked smile that usually melted him on the spot. This time it made his blood boil. What was she doing? What a cruel tease! _I find a love note from another man and she expects me to give in to her feminine wiles?_

 _But wait, she doesn't know I found it. Does she?_ The trusting part of his mind insisted she couldn't. The sleep deprived part argued she had to know. _She encouraged me to look through the chest..._ He shook his head trying to free his mind from the disturbing thoughts.

Michaela, thinking her attire had the desired effect on her virile husband, stepped closer to him and placed her hands on either side of his face. "Hi handsome, I've been waiting for you."

She was totally unprepared for his reaction. Sully pushed her hands away and backed away from her. "Sully?" Michaela was puzzled. "Is something wrong? I thought you would like this."

Sully, still unable to speak, shook his head and sprinted towards the door.

"Sully! Where are you going?!" Michaela couldn't believe she had misjudged what Sully's reaction would be so horribly.

Just as his hand touched the doorknob Sully found a small part of his voice, but the words he spoke cut through his wife like the sharpest knife. He slowly turned to Michaela. "I need some air. I don't know when I'll be back. Don't wait up for me." With that he was gone, slamming the door behind him.

His outburst held Michaela frozen to the spot. She couldn't move or utter a sound for a tormenting few seconds. Once the shock of his words wore off she slowly lowered herself onto the chair. The look on his face was not one of desire. Her sexy outfit was supposed to entice her husband. Instead it had disgusted him.

She hid her face in her hands and allowed the tears to flow. She couldn't remember being so heartbroken.

 _A/N :Thanks so much for the reviews! To those I couldn't thank personally, it gives me the courage to continue_


	3. Chapter 3 Confiding In Cloud Dancing

**Chapter 3: Confiding in Cloud Dancing-The letter**

Sully had been riding for an hour with no particular place to go. He knew his abrupt departure had hurt his wife, but he just wasn't ready. _Why did she have to choose that moment to put that particular night thing on?_ Ordinarily he would have wasted no time divesting her of that particular article of clothing. _She was looking so innocent yet so sexy._

 _Yeah right! Innocent?_ He wasn't seeing her as so innocent at the moment. The shock and the pain he had felt when he first entered the homestead had magnified into a simmering anger when he saw her _. How could she tease me like that? How could she be so cruel?_

His subconscious kept trying to creep through, telling him he was over-reacting, but the anguish he was feeling refused to be tamed. With a sudden thought, he turned the horse and headed to the one person he knew he could count on for guidance.

Cloud Dancing.

OOO

After arriving on Daniel's land, Sully stopped and took in his surroundings. This used to be the place he came to visit his Indian family. This was where the Indians once roamed, free to hunt as they pleased, a place where they had been free to practice their religion. Sully had found peace here after Abigail and Hanna died.

The land was now pretty much deserted, except that Cloud Dancing, the only Indian within a 3 days' ride, still resided here. Thanks to Daniel's generosity, Cloud Dancing had erected a teepee and was doing his best to keep the spirit of his people alive.

Daniel. Sully shook his head just thinking of the name. _Another man who wants my wife_. He quickly pushed that thought out of his mind. Daniel had done nothing recently to cause Sully any concern. The writer of that letter however…

Taking a heavy breath, Sully urged his horse on.

OOO

Cloud Dancing was deep in meditation when he heard the sounds of an approaching horse. The spirits had told him his brother would be visiting, so he did not need to open his eyes to see who was drawing near. But the vision was confusing. It wasn't to be a pleasant visit.

Sully hesitated only slightly before sliding off the horse and walking to where his friend sat. He had briefly re-considered his decision to burden Cloud Dancing with his woes. They were so insignificant compared to what his brother had gone through the last few years.

But he needed guidance. Needed re-assurance. Badly.

No words were spoken at first. Sully sat down aside Cloud Dancing and stared into space until his friend opened his eyes and spoke. "Your soul is troubled, my brother."

Sully was surprised, to say the least. "How did you know?" Cloud Dancing merely nodded, encouraging the troubled man to say what was hurting him so.

Making a quick decision, Sully stood and pulled the offending sheets of paper from the waistband of his buckskins. Slowly sitting back down, he frowned at the reminder of his torment and briefly considered if it was fair to Michaela to bring another person into their problems. But he had to speak to someone. He needed someone to either vindicate his feelings or eradicate them.

Cloud Dancing could see his friend's indecisiveness and gently pulled the letter from Sully's hands. "This is what has brought you here?"

Sully merely nodded, afraid to speak.

"What is it?" Sully realized an honorable man such as Cloud Dancing was not going to read someone else's letter unless encouraged to do so.

"Please just look at it."

Carefully unfolding the sheets, Cloud Dancing read just the beginning. Sully searched his brother's eyes, looking for his reaction, but Cloud Dancing showed no emotion at all.

Turning to his friend he said, "You know that I speak English better than I can read it. But I am assuming by the greeting it is what you would call in your language, a love letter?"

Sully could barely catch his breath at hearing the words. He couldn't stop a lone tear from escaping as he slowly nodded.

Cloud Dancing knew he had to choose his words carefully, for Sully was so distraught. _But what should I say?_ He chose to speak what was foremost on his mind. "I do not understand, Sully. This letter is dated long before your wedding. Why does it trouble you so?"

Sully felt as though he had just been punched. _Did his best friend not understand?_ "She kept it!" He yelled. "All these years she kept it with her other so-called treasured memories! Why? And why didn't she tell me about it?"

Understanding began to dawn on Cloud Dancing. "She does not know you have found it?"

Lowering his voice to almost a whisper, Sully replied, "That's just it. How could she _not_ know I would find it?" The single tear was now being accompanied by more. "Is she tryin' to tell me somethin'?"

Cloud Dancing knew Sully's imagination had taken off in many wrong directions. "Never, Sully. Dr. Mike loves you with her entire being. She would not hurt you so. Why do you think this?"

Pleading for understanding, Sully replied, "The stuff he says in the letter…"

"Tell me…" his friend encouraged.

Sully took a deep breath and tearfully read the part of the letter he found the most disturbing.

Sully began reading, 'My sweet, vulnerable, intelligent, caring Michaela...'

Sully looked up briefly and sarcastically exclaimed, "Could he choose any more adjectives? Is he tryin' to show off his big vocabulary or somethin'?"

When Cloud Dancing did not respond Sully continued reading aloud.

'I can understand why you have become so attached to Sully. He took great care of you from the moment you arrived off that stage...for which I am eternally grateful.'

"He was grateful! Like I was doing him a favor!" Sully exclaimed bitterly.

He looked back at the letter and struggled to continue read aloud. 'The west must be so exciting for you, being so different from the life you had in Boston. But my dear, you are accustomed to the finest things in life. You deserve a beautiful house with many rooms, not a rustic cabin. Operas and dances, not being chased by wild Indians or avoiding outlaws."

Sully paused again. "He's right, you know. She does deserve all those things. Things I can't give her," Sully tearfully explained.

Cloud Dancing still remained quiet as Sully continued to read.

'Don't get me wrong. Sully is a wonderful man and I have no doubt that he loves you, but he cannot give you the life you deserve. I just want you to know that I will always love you. When the excitement wears off I will be here waiting for you. I will love you forever.'

Sully's body began to shake with unshed tears and he could read no more.

Could Dancing shook his head at the audacity of the man writing this letter. Sully's words had become slurred as his emotions overcame him.

"What if the excitement has gotten to be too much? Is that why she kept this letter?" Sully cried.

"Sully, you must not think this! Dr. Mike would never betray you!"

At Cloud Dancing's exclamation, Sully quickly looked up and shook his head.

"No No! Of course not. I know she would never betray our marriage vows. But what if she..." Sully struggled to get his thoughts out.

"What if she has had regrets?" At his brother's helpless shrug, Cloud Dancing sought to comfort the heartbroken man, choosing his words carefully. "She would not have married you if she had any doubts."

"Our marriage hasn't exactly been stress free. I have put her through so much the last two years. So many times she needed me I wasn't there." Sully's voice hitched as he struggled to get his thoughts out, "Her life would have been so simple and carefree with _him_."

Again Cloud Dancing shook his head. "No, that does not make sense even if your fears are true, which I know they are not. This is an old letter."

Sully looked at the letter sadly and related what bothered him the most. "So why did she keep a love letter she received while we were courtin'?"

Cloud Dancing couldn't hide his surprise. "I only looked at the date quickly. You are sure you were courting?"

Sully nodded and showed Cloud Dancing the signature on the last page. "We started courtin' as soon as she came home from Boston. When her mother was so ill?"

Sully took a deep breath, not wanting to express to Cloud Dancing his greatest fear _. I wasn't there so many times when she really needed me. When she lost her sister, when she lost our baby. During those times did she pull this letter out and take comfort in it?_

Cloud Dancing couldn't answer the burning question as to why the letter still existed, but he knew Dr. Mike. He knew she had loved Sully before she even took that trip back to Boston. He also knew the writer of the letter had not met her prior to that fateful visit. His thoughts were interrupted by another horse approaching.

Sully jumped up when he saw Dorothy arriving on horseback. How selfish of him. Here he was burdening his friend and interrupting his love life.

Cloud Dancing stood, laying his hand on Sully's shoulder to still him.

Dorothy climbed down from the horse and greeted both men with a bright smile. "Sully, so good to see you! How is Michaela?"

Instead of answering Sully shoved the letter back into the waist band of his buckskins and headed for his horse. Cloud Dancing followed him and held the reins of the horse, looking into Sully's pain filled eyes. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know."

"You need to go home."

Sully shook his head, grabbed the reins from Cloud Dancing, and raced off into the woods.

Dorothy wasn't sure what had just happened, but she didn't miss the look of anguish on Sully's face. Something was not right. Cloud Dancing walked back to her and gave her a light kiss.

"Why did Sully take off so fast? What happened? Is Michaela alright? The children?"

Cloud Dancing knew he couldn't betray a confidence, but maybe Dorothy could be some help. "I cannot tell you but you may want to visit Michaela. I think she may need a friend."

Dorothy didn't know what he meant by such a cryptic remark, but nodded and assured him she would visit Michaela in the morning. For now she wanted to spend time with Cloud Dancing. _Surely whatever it is can wait till morning._

Not wanting to scare his beloved with the urgency he felt was needed, Cloud Dancing merely nodded. His thoughts went to a man he had never met, but was feeling animosity towards at the moment. _William_ he thought to himself _, I'd like to rip your heart out as your actions have done to my brother._


	4. Chapter 4 Michaela's Anguish

**Chapter 4: Michaela's Anguish**

The next morning, Michaela had just fallen into a fitful sleep moments before she was jarred awake by the sounds of Brian arguing with Katie to eat her breakfast. Dreading what the day would bring, she turned toward Sully's side of the bed. Her heart was heavy as she caressed the empty spot her beloved husband should have been occupying. Last night, she had cried till there just were no tears left, and now new tears joined the ones still drying on her face.

" _What happened? Why did Sully leave me? Why didn't he come home?_ _Where is he now?"_

Never before had the word "heart sick" taken on such meaning. She literally felt physically ill. Nothing made sense. Last night she had been unable to answer her children's questions as to where their pa was or when he would be home. How could she when she didn't even understand why he left?

Sighing heavily, she pushed the quilt aside and stepped onto the cold floor. She had responsibilities. As much as she wanted to stay in bed and hide, she forced herself to get up.

OOO

Breakfast was a somber affair. Brian kept glancing at his mother as she merely pushed her food around, never taking a bite. Obviously his parents had quarreled. He was confident they would make up, but for now seeing his mother so sad tore at him.

Katie was too young to notice her mother's quiet demeanor. Rather she went on and on relating the fun she'd had with Grandpa Loren. Fortunately for Michaela, she had forgotten about the outfit she requested for her and her doll.

Michaela gave up trying to nourish her body and pushed away from the table. Standing, she gave Katie a kiss and leaned over to hug Brian. "Would you look after Katie for me today? I will be terribly busy at the clinic and then I have some errands to run."

"Sure Ma," Brian replied. He knew his mother had no patients scheduled today, but didn't ask for clarification. He was pretty sure her "errands" included finding her missing husband.

With a weak smile, Michaela grabbed her medical bag and headed out the door.

OOO

Dorothy had been knocking on the clinic door for a good five minutes. She knew Michaela was in there, Hank insisted he saw her arrive. With the Gold Nugget temporarily closed while he did some renovations, Hank spent most of his time on the porch watching the clinic. He would never admit it to her, but he found Michaela fascinating. He assured Dorothy no patients were with Michaela.

Deciding she had waited long enough, Dorothy opened the door and stepped into the clinic. Still Michaela did not acknowledge her presence. She was staring into space, at nothing in particular. Dorothy was now worried. She walked over to her dear friend and lightly tapped her arm.

Michaela jumped at the sudden intrusion, settling when she saw it was only Dorothy.

"Michaela, I've been knockin' and callin' for you. Why didn't you answer? What's wrong?"

Michaela looked up at her friend's kind face and debated whether she should say anything. Normally any problems between Sully and herself stayed private between them. But this wasn't a simple lover's spat. Something had angered Sully to the point that he left their home and had not yet returned. Worse yet, she was clueless as to what that was.

Michaela slowly stood and walked over to the patient waiting area bench. Dorothy followed and sat down beside her, allowing Michaela to decide when to speak.

"I wish I knew," Michaela finally related. "Everything was going fine. We were looking through an old trunk of mine. I had gone inside to rest a bit. I have no idea what happened, but when Sully came in he was not the man I left in the barn."

Michaela struggled to keep the tears at bay as Dorothy wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders.

She tearfully continued, "He was exhausted when he came home, so I wanted to do something special..."

"Special?"

Michaela blushed, "Remember that provocative gown my mother gifted me with at my bridal shower?"

Dorothy grinned and nodded. "I bet Sully couldn't keep his eyes off you, let alone his hands."

Dorothy, expecting a smile at her teasing, was saddened to see more tears in Michaela's eyes instead.

"I hadn't worn it since our honeymoon. It's not very comfortable for sleeping. But he loved it then, so I thought... He didn't even say anything to me Dorothy! He just said he was leaving and not to wait for him!"

Michaela could no longer hold in her sorrow and her body shook as the tears flowed full force. "He didn't come home last night! I don't know why! I don't know what I did!"

Dorothy remembered Sully's visit the previous day and Cloud Dancing's suggestion to her to see her friend. _Oh_ _,_ _why didn't I come ta see her yesterday?_

"I thought he would like it!" Michaela continued as she sobbed. "He hated it! That's when he left! Have I become that unattractive to him?"

Dorothy shook her head and rubbed Michaela's arm. "No, no I'm sure that ain't it. More than likely somethin' else upset him and it was just...bad timin' or somethin'."

Michaela wanted to believe Dorothy, but what could have upset Sully in the short period of time between her leaving him in the barn and him coming inside? "So where is he? Why didn't he come home? I don't even know if he's alright!"

"Michaela, I'm sure Sully's fine. He was with Cloud Dancin' for a time yesterday. I don't know where he is now, but I bet he just needs time to clear his head."

"Clear his head from what?! We didn't even argue. He just looked at me…the look on his face..." She could barely speak at this point and had to gasp for air. Dorothy continued to rub her arm soothingly.

"Take it slow, Michaela. What was the last thing you remember before goin' into the house?"

Michaela took a deep, calming breath, as she pulled a handkerchief from her apron pocket and dried her tears. She struggled to think of anything she could have said or done to anger Sully.

"I was searching for something, but I was getting a bit tired. Sully offered to continue looking for me. I went inside…he seemed fine up to that point _." Although he did seem annoyed I was still looking through the trunk. Was he feeling neglected? No, he wouldn't have reacted so violently to my seduction attempt if that was it._

Dorothy persisted, interrupting Michaela's thoughts, "You said it was an old trunk. What was in it?"

Shrugging, Michaela answered, "Souvenirs from places I've visited. A few items I couldn't part with because of the memories associated with them..."

Pausing, Michaela sighed regretfully, knowing she never did find what she had wanted from the trunk.

"I was searching for some fabric my mother had sent me. Until now I didn't have any use for it." She managed a smile. "It was before Katie was born. She thought it would make a cute dress if I had a girl."

Dorothy smiled thinking about how far Elizabeth had come since her initial disapproval of Sully. "You said memories. Was there anything in the trunk that could have upset Sully?"

Michaela hesitated, thinking of the one item that might bother her husband. "Only thing I think of would be the photograph of David, but I know it wasn't that." Michaela could tell by Dorothy's expression that she had her doubts.

"No, really," Michaela assured her friend, "We found it together. I offered to get rid of it. He said I could keep it."

"How did he sound when he said it?" Dorothy knew she was grasping at straws.

"He sounded fine. Really, Dorothy, he was alright." Michaela started to sob again and Dorothy gave her a comforting hug.

"Breathe, Michaela. Think about other items you had in there."

Composing herself, Michaela thought about what else was in the chest. "Items the children made through the years. Ummm, I think I saw a romance book in there." Michaela smiled at Dorothy's surprised expression.

"You don't think I just read medical books do you?"

Dorothy smiled. "But you had it put away in the trunk. Why?"

Michaela had to ponder that question. _Why indeed? When did I last read it?_

Dorothy had a silly thought and couldn't resist asking, "Romance, huh? Put anything between the pages you wouldn't want Sully to see?"

Dorothy was teasing, but it struck a chord with Michaela _. Did I? Why did I leave the book in the trunk anyway?_

Realization dawning on her, Michaela gasped and jumped up in horror.

"No! It couldn't be!"

"Michaela?" Dorothy's smile faded, replaced with concern when she saw her friend's face had paled. "What is it?"

Michaela slowly sank down on the bench, feeling frightened at what her husband may have found. Something she never wanted him to see.

"William sent me a letter."

"William? Who's William?"

"He was the doctor in Boston who supported my decision to treat my mother with dandelion root tea. He...he was in love with me."

"Oh no," Dorothy gasped, "Did Sully know?"

"That William was in love with me? Yes. About the letter? No."

"How many letters? Could Sully have found more than one?"

"No! There was only one," Michaela quickly assured her friend. "I wrote William back, wishing him well, but stating it would be best if he didn't contact me again. He didn't."

Dorothy sighed in relief, knowing it would be much worse if there were multiple letters. "The contents of the letter, would it upset Sully?"

Michaela was amazed Dorothy would even ask. "It was a letter expressing his love for me! What do you think?" Before Dorothy could apologize, Michaela's attitude changed and she became more defiant.

"Why didn't he just ask me about it! We've been married five years! Why would he feel threatened by an old letter! Doesn't he trust me?"

Dorothy rubbed Michaela's arm reassuringly. "Of course he does. It was probably just a shock." Secretly Dorothy felt Sully probably had the same question that puzzled her but didn't dare ask. _Why did Michaela keep the letter?_

"Why hasn't he come home!"

Without warning, Michaela jumped up and headed for the door. Dorothy followed, touching Michaela's hand as she opened the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To find my husband and ask him why an old letter would make him so angry!"

Dorothy gently caressed Michaela's hand and softly related what she knew.

"Michaela, I saw Sully's face when he left Cloud Dancin'. It wasn't anger he was feelin'."

"It wasn't?" _If he's not angry why hasn't he come home?_

Dorothy sighed, not wanting to hurt her friend. "No, Michaela, it was pain."

Silenced by Dorothy's proclamation, Michaela considered how Sully may have felt reading that letter. She had to find him. It didn't matter that he had no reason to feel threatened. Justified or not, her husband was hurting.

With barely a nod to Dorothy, Michaela hurried out the door and over to Robert E's where she had left Flash.

Riding out of town, she headed to a place she had not visited in some time. Knowing she would find her husband there, she prayed he would listen…and forgive her.

A/N Thanks so much for the reviews! I treasure each one.


	5. Chapter 5 The Confrontation

Sully's Anguish

 **Chapter 5: The Confrontation**

After leaving Cloud Dancing, Sully knew he needed to go home and talk to his wife. But he couldn't, not yet. He had to settle his mind a bit first. So he rode to the mountaintop he had shown Michaela when they first began to court. His private sanctuary when he would 'lose his way'. He certainly was feeling that way at the moment. Pulling his bedroll off the horse, he walked to a nearby tree.

After settling comfortably at the base, Sully closed his eyes for a brief nap. Maybe that's what he needed to clear his mind of troubling thoughts. What he didn't consider was the stress the last week had put on his body. Dealing with argumentative mine owners had left little time for sleep and his precious daughter's demand for attention had not allowed him to refresh his dwindling energy. Coupled with the emotional ringer he was currently going through, Sully was completely exhausted. His 'nap' metamorphosed into a deep, sound sleep; from which he would not awaken until well into the next day.

OOOOO

The sounds of a far off wolf pack woke Sully from his slumber. Rubbing his eyes he gazed at the sky in confusion. The sun was in the wrong part of the sky and partially shaded by dark clouds. He thought how the dismal looking clouds matched his mood.

Realizing he had slept through the night, Sully groaned and hid his face in his hands. Michaela was sure to be worried. _What went through her mind when I didn't come home?_ He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped them in his arms and closed his eyes in regret.

As Sully was wondering how he was going to face his wife he heard a horse approaching. He didn't need to open his eyes, he knew who it was. The time had come to face Michaela and his own inner demons. He prayed to the spirits to give him guidance. A good night's sleep had given him a clearer perspective but he still had questions that needed answered.

Michaela tethered Flash and walked slowly towards her husband, not sure how she was going to be received. Stopping at the tree where he rested, she waited.

"You knew where to find me." Sully stated without looking up. It wasn't a question. He knew it was because of their unique bond that she had known where to find him. That knowledge brought some comfort to his still aching heart.

Michaela slowly lowered herself next to her husband and tentatively touched his shoulder.

"You found the letter."

Sully would have laughed if it hadn't been so tragic. _So she figured it out! Or did she know I would?_

"Sully, I am so very sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I give you my word, I thought I had destroyed it."

Sully slowly lifted his head. The pain around his heart was starting to ease. However, her next words sent him reeling.

"But I really don't understand…"

Michaela was unprepared for Sully's violent reaction. Jumping up quickly he glared at her.

"You don't _understand_? My wife keeps a love letter from another man and doesn't understand why that might upset me?" His earlier resolve to talk to her calmly had disintegrated. Still, he strived to control his rising temper.

Michaela rose slowly, realizing she had blundered. She reached for Sully but he backed away. Pivoting, he walked to the edge of the cliff, staring straight ahead and refusing to look her in the eye.

"I'm sorry, Sully," she tried again, taking a step in his direction. "Please let me explain. As I said, I thought I had destroyed the letter."

Turning to her, Sully yelled, "Why did you keep it? You accepted a love letter from him! While we were courtin'!"

"No," Michaela shook her head vehemently, "We _were not_ courting."

Sully's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe her denial. "The day you arrived back in Colorado Springs, didn't you get off the stage, run to me and tell me you loved me?"

"Yes, but…" Michaela tried to interrupt but Sully held his hand up, stopping her.

"Didn't we agree to court the same day?" he pressed on as he felt his heart constricting again.

"Yes, Sully. If you would just calm down and let me explain…"

"Perhaps I'm missing something, but it sure seems to me you hadn't met him until that trip to Boston! I read the letter Michaela! He sent it after you returned home!" The pain was quickly being replaced with righteous anger. "You not only read a love letter from him, you kept it all these years! We were courting! Did that mean nothin' to you?"

Michaela realized Sully was beyond listening to reason and she had to just blurt out what she was trying to avoid. She didn't really want to relive that time but Sully's unfounded insecurities was forcing her hand.

"We weren't together! I broke up with you after you kissed Catherine!"

Her outburst had a stilling effect on Sully. He had forgotten that small detail. After all, they had continued to be friends. He had eaten dinner with the family just about every night. During the day he still found reasons to be near her. The difference was he would leave immediately after dinner and Michaela had put a stop to the even the little bit of intimacy she had allowed at the time. He sighed remembering the pain of wanting to hold her in his arms and share small sweet kisses.

Sully's silence led Michaela to believe she had gotten through to him and she reached out to gently rub his arms. However, he pushed her hands away as one fact continued to plague him.

"But you kept it! It was so special you kept it with your other treasured memories! Tell me, did you write back? How often did you exchange letters, Michaela? Tell me!"

Michaela groaned, this was not going well. The situation had gotten so out of hand, she was afraid that admitting she had written William back would only add fuel to the fire. In the state Sully was in, he was not prepared to listen to her explaining she had only written William once, and a goodbye letter at that. Frustrated tears blurring her eyes, she turned away from Sully and ran to her horse.

As she mounted Flash, she yelled back to him, "I keep telling you I thought I had destroyed it! You won't listen! What happened to trust, Sully!"

And she was gone.

Sully stared as the love of his life raced away from him, Flash's hooves tossing up hunks of sod. Michaela's outburst about trust cleared the cobwebs from his muddled brain and he realized who the enemy was and it wasn't William Burke. It was Sully himself. _Of course I trust her. So what am I afraid of?_ Silently he headed for his horse, wishing he had never picked up that book.

OOO

Flash knew the way home which was convenient since her rider was too distraught to guide her.

Urging her trusted mare to go as quickly as was safe, Michaela could barely see through the tears. How she wished she could go back in time and correct what happened. An oversight she made so many years ago was straining the seams of her marriage and she had no idea how to mend it. _Is a couple of sheets of paper going to tear us apart?_

Feeling her world crashing in on her, Michaela pushed the horse harder towards home.


	6. Chapter 6 Brian's Worry

**Chapter 6: Brian's Worry**

Brian, running out of ways to entertain Katie, hooked up the family wagon and took her into town with the promise of a special treat, apple pie at Grace's. What he hadn't considered was his sister's determination to see their ma.

"Brian, I wanna see Mama. 'Pease!" Katie pleaded.

Sighing, Brian pulled the squirming little girl onto his lap. "Katie, remember? Ma wasn't at the clinic. Hey, I bet by the time we get home she'll be there."

"What about Papa? He never came home last night. I thought he was done work. Brian, I want Mama and Papa!"

Brian hugged the little girl as she began to cry. Of course she was only missing her parents. Unlike her older brother, she had no idea there was trouble in the home. Brian, however, had heard his mother crying throughout the night. He knew his parents had disagreements from time to time, but this was different. His father had never stayed away so long after an argument.

His musings were interrupted by Grace appearing with their pie. After laying the plates on the table, she smoothed the hair on her goddaughter's head and gave her a comforting kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, now, what's this? No cryin' allowed in my café!"

Katie, always wanting to please her Auntie Grace, gulped and wiped her eyes with her hands, striving to control her tears.

"I sowry. I just miss my mama and papa."

"Of course you do, Suga," Grace said sympathetically. "They'll be home in no time and they will be very sad if they saw tears in little Katie's eyes. Don't ya think?"

Finding comfort in her godmother's loving eyes, Katie reluctantly nodded and looked up at her brother.

"They'll be home for supper, right, Bri?"

Brian didn't want to make promises, not knowing where his parents were, but he hated seeing his little sister so distressed.

He put on his most encouraging smile and replied, "You bet. Why, I bet Ma is on her way home right now from visiting a patient." In an effort to lighten the mood, he teased, "And Pa probably got lost leaving the fishing hole."

Katie laughed at the thought of her father, who knew the area better than anyone, getting lost. Hugging Brian she exclaimed, "Brian you silwry! 'Sides, we got fish yesterday!"

"So we did, little sister, so we did." Brian messed Katie's hair and set her in her seat. "Now you eat that pie so you don't hurt Miss Grace's feelings."

"Okay," Katie agreed, but then had an idea. "Brian! Let's surprise Mama with some fried chicken!" The child turned to the café owner, bursting with excitement. "Can we, Miz Grace! You have some, don't you?"

Grace laughed at the child's exuberance. "How 'bout I make all the fixin's?" She looked at Brian for confirmation. He nodded, silently thanking the café owner for her help in calming his sister. His thoughts turned to his mother and the lost look on her face at breakfast.

 _Good idea, Katie. 'Cuz I gotta feeling Ma isn't going to feel like cooking._

Confident that his parents' love for each other would overcome whatever disagreement they had, Brian picked up the fork and delved into the delicious pie. _Pa will be home tonight. I don't know what happened, but he wouldn't leave us._

 _OOO_

Securing Flash in the barn, Michaela spotted the still open trunk that had caused so much heartache. Sighing heavily, she pulled the horse brush off the peg and began to groom her four-legged companion. "I'm sorry, Flash, for pushing you so hard. You can still fly like the wind." Michaela buried her face in the horse's mane, trying unsuccessfully to muffle her sobs. "Oh Flash, what am I going to do?" She cried. The tears threatened to overwhelm her, but she had to calm herself before going into the homestead. Surely the children were home by now and she didn't want them to see her in such distress. _He'll be home. He loves me. I know he does._

OOO

Entering the homestead, the first thing Michaela noticed was the smell of home cooking. Before she could question it, Katie jumped up from her seat at the table and flew into her mother's arms.

"Mama! I missed you so!"

Michaela kissed Katie and looked at Brian seated at the table grinning. She nodded curiously at the meal spread out on the table.

"Katie was in the mood for some of Grace's fried chicken, so I thought I'd save you having to make supper."

Touched by Brian's considerate action, she put Katie down, walked over and gave her son a hug. "Thank you, Brian. I love you." Kissing him on the temple, she sighed regretfully. She really had no appetite.

Katie heard the approaching horse first. She began to jump excitedly and headed to the door.

"Papa! Papa's home!" she exclaimed. Not needing to ask permission to greet her father, she raced outside. Brian's joyful smile at his Pa being home evaporated when he saw the stricken look on his mother's face.

Michaela's relief was tempered with fear. Sully's horse wasn't as fast as Flash, yet he arrived only moments after her. He must have given chase immediately. _Has he calmed any?_ _Surely he wouldn't continue the argument in front of the children._

OOO

Sully was barely off his horse when Katie ran up to him. He lifted her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "I've missed you sweet girl."

"I missed you Papa! Brian did too! Why didn't you come home? We caught fish! Brian cooked them last night."

"Brian did?"

"Yep! He bought chicken from Grace's tonight. It's real good, Papa!"

Sully felt instant remorse at Katie's words. Her quickly asked inquiry as to his not coming home pierced his heart. Did Brian provide supper because he saw how distraught his mother was? He never wanted any marital problems to affect their children.

Sighing heavily, he carried his daughter into the homestead.

OOO

Michaela was standing at the sink, appearing to wash her hands when Sully entered. He set Katie in her seat and after a quick, reassuring nod at Brian, slowly walked over to his wife. Tentatively, he encircled her waist with his arms and buried his face in her neck. Michaela set the soap down but did not turn to Sully.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stay out all night." A small sob escaped Michaela's lips. _He's only apologizing for not coming home? What about not trusting me? For not listening to me?_

Hearing her sob tore at Sully's heart, but now was not the time to settle things with her. For now, it was important to reassure the children that their family unit was intact. He leaned in and whispered, "Brian went to a lot of trouble for supper. We should eat."

Michaela knew he was right. She wiped the tears with the back of her hand, turned and allowed her husband to lead her to the table.

Overjoyed with having both her mother and father home; Katie couldn't contain her excitement, pointing out all the things she and her brother had been doing the last two days. Brian could tell there was still some tension between his parents, but knew with Sully home everything would be ok. At least they were speaking. Sully was anyway. Michaela only gave short yes or no replies to Katie's endless questions. Otherwise, she stared ahead with sad, disheartened eyes.

OOO

Sully volunteered to put Katie to bed while Michaela and Brian cleaned up from supper. He was hoping to get the child to bed quickly so he could have the much-needed conversation with his wife. However, his daughter had other ideas. She begged for him to tell her one story, then another. Knowing his precious child had been missing him, he could hardly deny her.

He heard the master bedroom door close just as Katie was dozing off. Stepping out into the hall, he closed his eyes and sighed heavily. The next few minutes were not going to be easy. _I still don't understand how she could have not run across that letter in all this time, but there has to be a good explanation. Michaela wouldn't do anything to risk our marriage._ Feeling secure in her love for him, but determined to get to the bottom of the matter once and for all, Sully headed down the hall to what he prayed would be a speedy reconciliation with his wife.


	7. Chapter 7 My Heartsong My Soulmate

**Chapter 7: My Heartsong. My Soulmate.**

Alone in their bedroom, Michaela had changed into her usual nightgown, briefly remembering the day before when her decision to wear a provocative gown had ended in disaster. She now sat, staring into the mirror, brushing her long locks. She knew Sully would be coming to bed soon. Neither would be able to pretend nothing happened. Words spoken in anger could not be unsaid. If they were to move forward, the misunderstandings about the letter needed to be settled, now. She knew Sully needed to hear the entire story. If his behavior downstairs was any indication, her husband was ready to listen.

Sully opened the bedroom door and peered in, tilting his head at Michaela, silently asking permission to enter. When she turned to him and smiled, he closed the door and sat wearily on the bed. He reached out his hand, beckoning her to come to him.

Michaela discarded the brush and joined Sully on the bed. A set of mix-matched eyes met a pair of blue eyes, each with an unspoken plea for understanding. Both were afraid to speak, yet each needed to. Michaela decided on a neutral opening.

Hesitantly she asked, "Are the children settled?"

Sully nodded. "Yes, Katie is sound asleep and Brian is reading."

A heartbeat passed before either spoke again. _Come right out with, Sully. Admit what an idiot you are._ He took Michaela's delicate hand in his, bringing it to his lips and applying tender kisses.

"I've been a fool. I let my imagination run wild."

Michaela's relief was palpable. The heavy weight lifted off her heart. Michaela smiled with renewed hope, and cupping his cheeks in her hands, kissed Sully sweetly on the lips. "Don't you know how much I love you?"

Sully pulled Michaela into an embrace and smoothed her hair behind her ears. "I do. But the thought of another man still wanting you drove me crazy."

Michaela caressed Sully's face tenderly. "Sully that letter meant nothing to me. Honest."

"Can you tell me why you still have it?" Sully wasn't angry any longer, but he still needed to know. He couldn't deny the small ache that persisted in his heart. She said she destroyed the letter, yet it still existed.

Michaela pulled out of Sully's embrace and took his hands in hers. She knew what she was about to say could still cause him some pain.

"Sully, when that letter arrived I was feeling quite vulnerable. I guess I just needed to know someone could love me."

"But I did….I never stopped…"

Michaela pressed one finger to his lips to still him.

"I know that now." Michaela took a deep breath before continuing, as she thought how to express what she was feeling during that time. "I was in the old homestead, reading that silly book. I thought it would make me feel better. Instead I began to think romance was a farce."

"A farce? Why would you think that?"

Michaela again took Sully's hand and gently kissed his knuckles. "Sully, you are the most honorable, trustworthy man I know. I thought if you could betray me, than any man could so I wanted no part of romance."

Her words had the impact on Sully she knew they would. His eyes clouded over with sorrow. He had no idea his moment of weakness had such a profound effect on the woman he loved so dearly. Before he could apologize, she continued.

"The letter was in my medical bag. I pulled it out with the intention of throwing both the letter and the book into the fire. But as I neared the fireplace, I decided it was wrong to burn a book because of my emotional state at the time. I took the letter and was about to throw it, alone, in the fire when the children arrived home. You were behind them."

Sully frowned, puzzled, but didn't interrupt.

"I was afraid the letter wouldn't burn quickly enough and I didn't want to chance you seeing it. Although you hurt me, deep down I knew you loved me. I didn't want to upset you."

Picturing the scene as Michaela explained, Sully inwardly berated himself. _She's right. If I had seen the letter then, I would have been afraid of William stealing her from me. Why didn't I ask her about it from the beginning? I put us both through so much misery…_

"I stuffed the letter in the book and quickly threw it in the trunk, intending to retrieve and burn the letter later. But then all the trouble with the dog soldiers happened and …" Michaela sighed, remembering that frightful experience when she thought she'd never see Sully and her children again. _It's a wonder I can remember anything from that time, let alone an insignificant letter._ "I never thought about it again. Oh, Sully, I'm so sorry. I really thought I had burned it."

Sully pulled Michaela into his arms and kissed her forehead. He couldn't believe this wonderful woman in his life. Even though she was hurt at the time, she had still considered his feelings. Her undying love for him is why the letter was hidden in a discarded book. _What did I do to deserve her?_

"I didn't look in the trunk again until Myra's wedding, and then only briefly. Afterwards only to place items in it. The book was covered and forgotten."

Michaela wrapped her arms around Sully's shoulders, looking into his eyes. "You're the only man I love."

When Sully's lips tasted hers, Michaela felt her body reacting and wrapped her arms tighter around him, caressing his back with one hand, running her fingers through his hair with the other. Releasing her lips, Sully nipped at the sensitive spot on her neck he knew so well. Her soft whimper set Sully's body on fire and he gently lay her down on the bed, breaking the kisses long enough to gaze into those beautiful multi-colored eyes.

"It's me who should be sorry. I really never doubted you, I just wasn't thinkin' clear. I couldn't bear to lose you, Michaela. I would be a shell of a man without you. You are my heartsong."

Michaela tenderly brushed Sully's hair back. "Sully, I would be lost without you. When we are apart it feels like part of me is missing. You are my soulmate."

Brushing her fingers through his hair, Michaela had one last concern. "Sully, you don't still have the letter, do you?"

Somewhat sheepishly, her husband replied, "After you rode off I tore it into itty bitty pieces and threw them into the wind." Grinning he continued, "Maybe it'll blow into Boston and Dr. Burke will finally get the message."

Michaela giggled at Sully's teasing. "Byron Sully, as our daughter would say, you're silwry."

 _Our daughter._ The product of our incredible love. _I am the luckiest man on earth. I'm never gonna take that for granted._

Sully smiled and captured his wife's lips again. All the emotions from the last two days came crashing down in overwhelming intensity. They needed each other. Desperately. Michaela's hands reached under Sully's shirt and caressed his back. Sully sucked her sweet lips, but they both wanted more. As the passion ignited within them, their tongues danced to a lovers' tune. Not breaking their connection, Sully began to undo the buttons on her nightgown, coming up for air only long enough to pull his shirt over his head and onto the floor. Grinning at his sensual wife, he re-captured her mouth as his fingers continued to undo her gown. Once done with the buttons, one hand gently fondled Michaela's breast, causing rivers of pleasure to course through her body. As she moaned, her body begging for more, his other hand reached for the hem of her nightgown. As Sully lifted the gown, his fingers grazed her thighs, sending tingling sensations all through her. The hand that was caressing his back made its way lower and Michaela expertly undid Sully's buckskins.

Soon all the barriers were gone and no more words were spoken as re-united lovers sought secret parts of their bodies known only to the other.

Once fully connected, husband and wife made up for lost time.

OOO

Afterwards, Michaela lay snuggled in Sully's arms, her head resting on his tanned chest. Sully tenderly kissed the top of her head and rubbed her bare shoulder.

Suddenly reminded of his earlier blunder, Sully placed a finger under Michaela's chin, encouraging her to look up at him. "Michaela, can I have another chance?"

Feeling all was right with the world, the earlier troubles forgotten, Michaela queried, "At what?"

Sully placed a tender kiss just behind Michaela's ear before answering. "That night thingy you had on when I came in from the barn? Reminded me of our honeymoon." Sully began to nibble on Michaela's ear, eliciting a soft moan from his wife. "I didn't show my appreciation yesterday, but I sure do appreciate your enthusiasm."

Michaela began to giggle, pleased that indeed it did please him. "Anytime my wonderful husband, anytime."

Reaching up, she captured his lips in hers as her hands roamed his chest. As the heat rose between them, Sully gently rolled her over and once again became reacquainted with his wife.

 _A/N I loved writing this story and am sorry to see it end but I could not bear for my favorite couple to be at each other's throats too long! But I am planning more of this story._

 _Thanks so much for all the reviews! I treasure each one. For those who have marked my story as a "favorite"- I am honored! Special thanks to my dear friend, Linda, for agreeing to be my beta. I couldn't have done it without you, girl! Your insight into Sully-ese was invaluable and your encouragement priceless._


	8. Chapter 8: Epilogue

**Sully's Anguish: Epilogue**

Relaxing in the wooden porch chair he had created with his own hands, Sully stared thoughtfully at the star-studded night sky. The last two days he and his wife had spent nearly every moment together, allowing healing for both of them. Michaela had only gone into town for emergencies, of which there had been mercifully few.

After their initial bedroom conversation when Sully returned home, neither had spoken of the letter. They had spent their time pleasuring each other as only lovers who had been apart too long could do. But now, as he breathed in the night air, events of years past weighed heavily on the mountain man's heart.

Matthew had returned from Denver, and upon hearing from Katie and Brian of their parents' strife, had offered to keep the children in town so the couple could have some alone time. They would be returning home in the morning. Sully had to find the courage to express his feelings to his wife tonight.

 _What if I don't like the answers? She's my wife, no one can take her away from me. Why can't I let it go?_

The door of the homestead opened and Michaela strolled onto the porch, holding two cups of coffee. Handing one cup to her husband, she sat in the chair next to him, smiling brightly.

"It's such a beautiful night, isn't it? Not a cloud in the sky." With a teasing twinkle in her eye, she added, "Perfect for a romantic interlude."

When her husband did not respond, Michaela eyed him curiously. "You're awfully quiet. What are you thinking about?"

Stalling, Sully pursed his lips and looked over at her, his eyes caressing her hair, her face, and lower before answering, "Gettin' chilly. How 'bout we go inside?"

Assuming his response was meant as an invitation, Michaela's lips curled into a sultry smile and she flirted, "Why Mr. Sully, you do have some wonderful ideas."

Realizing he had been misunderstood, Sully reached over and gently took her coffee cup. After placing both cups on the porch floor, he took both Michaela's hands in his. Still believing his actions to be a prelude to love making, the amorous lady leaned in to give her husband a kiss.

It was when Sully pulled back from her kiss that Michaela noticed the serious expression on her husband's face. Anxiously, she inquired, "Sully? Is something wrong?"

Looking into his beloved eyes, Sully sought to reassure her. "Michaela, you know I love you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you."

Michaela gulped as the sudden realization hit her that things were not settled between them. Fighting back tears, she softly whispered, "You're still angry with me."

Lifting her hands to his lips, Sully gently kissed her knuckles. "I'm not angry with you. But I do still have some questions."

Freeing her hands from his, Michaela lowered her eyes to her lap and nervously fiddled with the fabric of her skirt. Having only a vague recollection of the exact contents of the letter, she feared her husband's questions.

Sully caressed Michaela's cheek before placing a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Like I said, I don't want to hurt you. But I need you to understand why finding that letter hurt me."

"Sully, I do understand…" Michaela pleaded desperately as the tears started to flow, "I wish I could change things. I wish I could go back in time…"

"No, Michaela, you _don't_ understand." Sully interrupted, startling his wife with the intensity of his tone.

Instantly softening, Sully lifted Michaela's hands from her skirt and caressed them between his own.

"It was a shock. I can't even put into words the pain I felt. But you've explained why the letter was still around, and I accept your explanation."

"Then why does it still bother you so? Please, Sully, tell me," Michaela implored tearfully.

Sully hesitated as he struggled to express what bothered him the most. He needed to know how close he came to losing her all those years ago.

Michaela didn't understand where he was going at first, but looking into her husband's pained eyes, it all became clear.

"Sully, what are you thinking?" She asked carefully, hoping her suspicions were wrong.

With a heavy sigh, Sully looked towards the heavens, hesitant to ask the question that had been preying on his mind. The letter, while painful in itself, had also dredged up buried memories. "Ya talked about movin' back to Boston… At the time I thought maybe ya wanted away from me…"

Dreading the answer, he turned to her and quietly asked, "You were going back to him, weren't ya?"

Michaela closed her eyes, feeling the anguish in her husband's voice. How could she make him understand?

Her reaction gave Sully the answer he feared most, and the pain he initially felt began to resurface. The suspicion he had expressed to Cloud Dancing reared its ugly head.

"Michaela, I have to know. Did you ever regret your decision to stay?"

Opening her eyes, Michaela shook her head. "No, Sully not for a moment!"

Releasing one hand from Sully's grasp, Michaela tenderly stroked his cheek. "Sully, I promise you, I didn't want William. I never had the feelings for any man that I have for you."

"But you…" his words were cut off as she pressed her lips against his.

"It's true, I did consider accepting William's offer." She hoped her tender stroking of his face would temper the distress her words would cause until she could explain further. "But I assure you it was not because I was in love with him."

Her words soothing him, Sully took the hand stroking his face and kissed her palm.

"Even in Boston? When he first asked ya?"

Shaking her head, she smiled, "Not even in Boston."

"I'm sorry, Michaela. I know ya love me, and ya would never leave me. The past shouldn' bother me, but…If ya didn't love him, why did ya consider accepting his proposal?"

Leaning back in her chair, Michaela struggled to find the words to explain her feelings at the time. She had hoped to never relive that painful period, but for the sake of her marriage, the entire story needed to be told.

Misunderstanding her silence, Sully couldn't control the pain that enveloped his heart. The feelings he had expressed to Cloud Dancing, of not being good enough for her, continued to swirl in his mind. He couldn't help but wonder what would happen if William Burke were to show up in Colorado Springs. She insisted she didn't regret her decision, but would that change?

Releasing her hands, Sully stood and stared into the hills; crossing his arms, as if by doing so he could crush the ache in his chest.

Realizing her husband was no longer touching her, Michaela looked up at him and was startled at what she saw. He was staring straight ahead and the look on his face could only be described as anguished. Standing and facing him, she caressed his arms, but received no response.

"Sully, please, look at me."

After an agonizing few seconds, Sully sighed and lowered his arms enough for Michaela to slide her arms around his waist and she softly repeated, "Look at me." Unable to resist her, he tightened his hold on her and gazed into her beautiful two-toned eyes.

Once she knew she had his attention, Michaela began to explain. "It was Mother. I received a letter from her the same day I received William's."

Understanding beginning to dawn, but still a bit confused; Sully lifted his hands to his wife's shoulders, gently pushing her back enough for him to get a clear view of her.

"A letter from your mother made ya consider marrying a man ya didn't love? That doesn't sound like the Michaela Quinn I know."

Mustering a small smile, Michaela agreed, "Doesn't sound like the Michaela Quinn I know either."

Sully rubbed his hands down his wife's arms, encouraging her to continue.

"Sully, you have to understand, in the society I grew up in most marriages weren't based on love. Mother firmly believed a good match was more enduring than love."

"But you never believed that."

"No, I didn't, but remember what I told you? At the time I wasn't all that sure about love either."

Sully groaned as he realized what he had done. _So much for me claimin' I didn' want ta hurt her_. Drawing her closer into his arms, Sully planted a tender kiss on his wife's temple. "Michaela, I am so sorry. I was so caught up in my own selfish feelings, I didn't consider I was bringing up painful memories for you as well."

Slightly pulling out of his grasp, Michaela lowered herself back into her seat and beckoned for Sully to do the same. Grasping his hand and looking deep into her husband's eyes, she proclaimed, "Sully, you are the most selfless man I know. You just didn't understand. That's my fault. I should have told you everything long ago."

"No," Sully shook his head vigorously, "I should have had enough confidence in you to say something from the very beginning."

Sully leaned in and gave his wife a tender kiss before softly continuing, "Besides, there's something I never told you."

At her questioning frown, Sully again captured her lips before admitting, "If you had gone back to Boston, I would have gone after you. Again."

"Really?" Michaela asked, smiling brightly.

"Yep. I wasn't about to let you go."

Michaela leaned in to plant a sweet kiss on her husband's lips, but the tenderness increased to a passionate kiss, only ending when the wooden chair rails dug into their sides.

Pulling apart, Sully stood and reached his hand out for his wife. "I do believe we need to take this discussion to a more comfortable place."

Accepting his hand, Michaela allowed herself to be lifted into her husband's embrace. Smiling up at him she coyly asked, "Don't you wanna drink your coffee?"

Tenderly brushing her cheek, Sully quietly proclaimed, "I'd rather drink in your beauty."

Touched by his words, Michaela fought to keep the tears back. "Sully, that's so poetic."

"Guess I've been readin' too much Walt Whitman."

Grasping the hand still caressing her face, Michaela purred, "I think you've read just enough. I love you, Sully. So much."

Leaning close to her ear, Sully seductively whispered, "How 'bout we go inside so ya can show me how much."

Pulling out of the embrace, the lovers headed inside, but Michaela touched Sully's arm, stopping him just as he was closing the door behind them.

Looking into those ocean blue eyes for reassurance she asked, "Are you truly okay with everything? Are _we_ okay?"

His heart completely at peace, Sully kissed her lips tenderly before answering. "I'm okay. _We're_ perfect."

Sighing with relief, Michaela wrapped her arms around her husband's neck, and initiated a loving kiss. With the passion building, Michaela was surprised, and slightly alarmed, when Sully pulled away from the kiss.

"Michaela, there is one thing I have to do."

Allowing her arms to fall to her side, Michaela anxiously gazed at her husband, confused until a sly grin crossed his features.

"Ya go on upstairs and wait for me." Reaching behind him to lock the door, he continued, "I need to make sure the side door is locked. Cuz ya know, Matthew has terrible timing."

As his meaning became clear, Michaela giggled and buried her face in Sully's chest.

Flirtatiously she inquired, "Would you like me to change into something more…should we say, appealing?"

"You can," her husband grinned, "but I can't say how long you'll keep it on.

With a coy smile, Michaela bounded up the steps, eager to give her lover the surprise she had intended days ago.

OOO

Entering their bedroom, Sully was speechless at the sight that beheld him.

His normally reserved wife was sitting on the bed in what could only be termed, a provocative position. The bodice of the gown was open almost to her navel and her long hair was draped over her shoulders, allowing just a glimpse of her silky white breasts. The lower half of the gown was pulled up above her bent knees, barely covering her thighs. And in her hands was a small bowl which contained what looked like honey. As her husband continued to stare, she dipped her finger into the honey and sensually wiped it over her lips.

That was Sully's undoing. Lowering himself onto the bed beside her, he reverently rubbed her arms.

"Wow," was all he could muster before his loving wife again dipped her finger into the honey, this time applying it to his lips. Michaela could not control the moan that passed her lips when her lover's tongue snaked out and licked the honey off her finger. Leaning in to kiss her, he jostled the bowl and a small amount of honey spilled out, landing on her chest.

"Oh my," Michaela purred, "Look what you have done. I do believe you need to clean it."

Grinning, Sully took the bowl and placed it on the night stand. Taking his wife in his arms, he gently pushed her down on the pillows. Moving her beautiful copper tresses aside, he slid the gown off her shoulders, completely revealing her upper body to his eager gaze. Licking the honey from the breast where it had fallen, he cupped and caressed the other. Purring in pleasure, Michaela ran her fingers through her husband's curly locks.

Done with the honey, Sully captured his wife's lips with his as he continued to minister to her breasts. When Sully reached under the gown to touch her special place, his enthusiastic wife wasted no time in relieving him of his shirt, and then his buckskins.

As Sully had predicted, the 'appealing' gown did not stay on long.

With no more doubts between them, their loving continued well into the night.

The End

A/N Thanks so much for the reviews. Originally I had intended to write a sequel once the 'rest of the story' was explained in the prequel but I don't know when that will happen, so hope this will suffice. Please let me know what you liked/didn't like.


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